“Equal is a math decision. Fair is a values decision and that’s usually what families are really trying to solve.”
“Equal” sounds like the safest answer, right?
But when you’re working through an estate plan, many families discover something surprising: an equal split can still feel unfair when adult children’s lives are not equally stable, equally complex, or equally dependent. The goal is not to create a perfect outcome. It’s to create a plan that’s clear, workable, and aligned with what you value so your family is not left guessing later.
Why “equal” can create unintended friction
In estate planning, equal and fair are not the same thing.
- Equal: each beneficiary receives the same amount or percentage
- Fair: your distribution reflects your values and your family’s reality, even if the numbers differ
An equal split can unintentionally create tension when circumstances are different, such as:
- One child is financially stable while another is not
- One child has a disability or needs long-term support
- One child is more vulnerable to impulsive spending
- One child is likely to take on caregiving responsibilities
- A farm, cabin, or business cannot realistically be divided into neat shares
Start with your “why” before you touch the numbers
If you want to know how to divide inheritance fairly, start here: define what “fair” means in your family.
A simple way to do that is to write your goal in one sentence, like:
- “Keep the cabin in the family.”
- “Support long-term needs.”
- “Recognize caregiving contributions.”
- “Create opportunities for grandchildren.”
- “Encourage financial responsibility.”
That one sentence becomes your filter for every decision that follows.
Practical ways to structure fairness without creating confusion
Fair does not have to mean complicated. Many families use straightforward structures that make your intentions easier to follow:
- Unequal percentages clearly stated
- Specific gifts(cash, property, heirlooms) plus an equal split of the remainder
- Staged distributionsto reduce “all at once” pressure
- Dedicated support for specific needs(medical, education, housing)
- A plan for shared assetsso no one is forced into a rushed sale
Common mistake alert
A frequent issue is leaving big decisions to siblings after the fact (for example, “you’ll figure out the cabin together”). If you want less stress later, aim for clear instructions now.
A quick-check framework before you finalize anything
Before you commit to a “fair vs equal” decision, ask:
- Is my intent clear in one sentence?
- Would this still make sense if life changes (health, divorce, job loss)?
- Is there any asset that could trigger conflict if we don’t spell out a plan?
- Would my family understand the reasoning, even if they don’t love it?
Make your plan clear enough to hold up under stress
Math alone rarely creates tension. More often, it’s confusion about why decisions were made.
One tool that helps is a short statement of intent: a plain-language note that explains that your choices were deliberate and values-based. It doesn’t need to share every detail. It simply reduces guesswork and second-guessing.
Review regularly as life changes
A “fair” plan today may not feel fair five years from now. Marriages, divorces, health shifts, business transitions, and caregiving responsibilities can change quickly. A regular review helps ensure your documents still match your intent and your family’s reality.
Next Steps
If you’d like a simple checklist to help you think through how to divide an inheritance fairly before you meet with an attorney, email cfsteam@mycfsgroup.com with “Inheritance” in the subject and we’ll send it to you.
Or, if you’re ready to turn “I hope this feels fair” into “I know this will be clear and workable for my family,” schedule a conversation with the professionals at Cornerstone Financial Solutions.
We can help you define a plan and coordinate next steps with your attorney, whether you’re updating an existing estate plan or building one for the first time.
Make an appointment today:
- Call: Sioux Falls 605-357-8553 | Huron 605-352-9490
- Email: cfsteam@mycfsgroup.com
- Schedule online
Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards Inc. owns the certification marks CFP®, CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™, CFP® and CFP® in the U.S., which it awards to individuals who successfully complete CFP Board’s initial and ongoing certification requirements.
Raymond James and its advisors do not offer tax or legal advice. You should discuss any tax or legal matters with the appropriate professional.
